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Your dog does not know what money is. Your dog has never once asked about thread count. Your dog would trade every item on this list for a single unattended rotisserie chicken.
And yet the luxury houses have decided that dogs are the most underserved clients in fashion. We looked at everything. We respect the craftsmanship. We have notes on the priorities.
Louis Vuitton even makes a $60,000 kennel shaped like a little house, with windows. Please picture a very small mansion for a very large ego. The rest, we can show you.
The Goods
The Speedy
Louis Vuitton Speedy Pet Trunk $24,700
The famous Speedy shape, reimagined as a hard-sided trunk for a small dog, in Monogram canvas with gold-tone hardware. It is 18 inches long, which is roughly $1,372 per inch of dog.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The dog is not speedy. The dog is carried.
The Bed
Louis Vuitton Dog Bed Trunk $15,300
A low Monogram trunk with a removable cushion and a gold-tone name tag. The cushion is dry-clean only, which is a bold assumption about how dogs live.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Your dog will sleep on your side of the bed anyway.
The Prada Bag
Prada Re-Nylon and Saffiano Leather Pet Bag $4,700
Saffiano leather, recycled nylon, the enameled triangle and little metal feet so it never touches the floor. The dog, of course, touches everything.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Prada, wearing a devil. The devil is a Pomeranian.
The Carrier
Louis Vuitton Pet Carrier, Monogram $3,750
The entry-level option, if $3,750 can be called entry level. Monogram canvas, cowhide trim, a washable lining and a removable carpet, because accidents happen even in Louis Vuitton.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The washable lining is the most honest thing in this article.
The Puffer
Prada Re-Nylon Puffer Dog Coat With Hood $975
A black Re-Nylon puffer with a hood and the enameled triangle. It is warmer than anything in your closet, and it is not for you.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Hood up. Paws down. Card declined.
The Reversible
Moncler Poldo Dog Couture Reversible Hooded Dog Coat $770
A hooded Moncler puffer, made with Poldo Dog Couture, that reverses so your dog can change looks mid-walk. Two outfits, zero pockets.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Après-ski for an animal who has never skied.
The Pouch
Moncler Genius Poldo Dog Couture Logo Dog Pouch $290
A hot-pink logo pouch that clips onto the leash for your dog’s essentials. Your dog’s essentials are one tennis ball and a bad attitude.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: $290 to carry poop bags in style.
The Bottom Line
Every product on this list is beautifully made. Every dog on Earth would prefer the box it came in. Spoil them anyway. They are very good.
Prices and details as listed by the brands and retailers linked here, and subject to change. Some links earn us a commission. Photos courtesy of the brands. Kennel Trunk price via AOL.
