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Thanksgiving is a holiday about gratitude, family and a 20-pound bird that takes six hours and a minor argument to cook.
It is also, if you are so inclined, an opportunity. So we planned the most expensive Thanksgiving we could build out of real, buyable things, priced every item and added it all up. Twelve guests. One table. Zero restraint.
The official rating for every course: Necessity: 0%.
The Table
The Centerpiece
Dolce&Gabbana x Venini Luna Vase $9,895
A hand-blown Murano vase from Venini, designed by Ettore Sottsass in 1997, in a limited Dolce&Gabbana edition. It goes in the middle of the table, where it will be photographed more than the turkey.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Do not put flowers in it. The flowers would only distract.
The Cornucopia, Reimagined
Judith Leiber Couture Crystal Grapes Clutch $7,195
Traditional Thanksgiving tables feature a horn of plenty overflowing with fruit. Ours features a single bunch of crystal grapes by Judith Leiber, which also happens to be a clutch.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The only fruit at dinner nobody will try to eat.
The Candles (We Bought Ten)
Fornasetti Silenzio Immaginazione Candle $200 × 10
Fornasetti’s Silenzio candle, the one with the famous face holding a finger to her lips. At $200 each, ten of them line the table.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Ten candles politely asking your uncle not to talk about politics.
The Aperitif
The Champagne (One Bottle Per Guest)
Krug Clos d’Ambonnay about $3,500 × 12
A single-vineyard Champagne from a walled plot in Ambonnay. When Krug released the first vintage, Wine Spectator reported a suggested retail of $3,000 to $3,500 a bottle, with only 250 cases worldwide. We are assuming the high end, and one per guest, because we are not animals.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: $42,000 of bubbles. Toast carefully.
The Way to Open It
A real Champagne saber from Made In, for opening the bottle the dramatic way. Recommended for the host. Not recommended for the cousin who brought the inflatable turkey.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The only $199 item on this list, and the only one with a waiver.
The Starter
The Caviar
Petrossian Tsar Imperial Ossetra Caviar, 500 g $2,720 × 4
Four of Petrossian’s 500-gram tins of Tsar Imperial Ossetra, from the Paris caviar house founded in 1920. That is about 166 grams per guest, which is roughly 165 more grams than anyone actually needs.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Pairs beautifully with the Krug and absolutely nothing else on the menu.
The Thing You Serve It In
William Yeoward Crystal Persephone Caviar Server $1,590
A cut-crystal caviar server from William Yeoward that keeps the tins on ice, with a mother-of-pearl spoon because metal spoons supposedly ruin the taste.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: A $1,590 ice bath for fish eggs. Worth it.
The Main Course
The Turkey
One turkey, with Alba white truffles about €2,000–€2,500 per kilo of truffle
The turkey itself costs roughly what a turkey costs. What goes on top does not. Fresh white truffles from Alba sell by the gram, and even in a good harvest year they have run around €2,000 to €2,500 a kilo, according to The Independent. We are shaving half a kilo over everything.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Truffle on the stuffing, truffle on the gravy, truffle on Grandma if she sits still.
The Bar
The Decanter
Baccarat Octogone Crystal Whiskey Decanter $1,900
An eight-sided Baccarat crystal decanter, from a French house that has been blowing glass since 1764. It holds the after-dinner whiskey, which is to say the during-dinner whiskey.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Makes the uncle’s $40 bourbon taste like a $1,900 decision.
The Ice Bucket
Brunello Cucinelli Silver-Plated and Leather Ice Bucket $1,500
A silver-plated steel and leather ice bucket from Brunello Cucinelli.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: $1,500 to hold frozen water. It will hold it beautifully.
The Entertainment
The Music
Bang & Olufsen Beosound 2 Home Speaker $4,000
The Bang & Olufsen Beosound 2, a cone of aluminum that fills the room with 360-degree sound. It will be playing smooth jazz, softly, for four hours.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Plays the same playlist as your phone, but with much better posture.
The Post-Dinner Game
Prada Saffiano Leather Backgammon Set $7,400
A backgammon set in Prada Saffiano leather, for the hour between pie and the second pie.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Rolling doubles has never felt this expensive.
The Coffee Table Book
Assouline The Impossible Collection of Champagne $1,400
Assouline’s oversized, handbound Impossible Collection of Champagne, to read while digesting the Champagne.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: A book about Champagne at a dinner with $42,000 of Champagne. Thematic.
The Other Coffee Table Book
Assouline The Impossible Collection of Cigars $1,400
The Impossible Collection of Cigars, for the guests who step outside after dinner and then come back in smelling like it.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: A book about cigars that costs more than the cigars.
The Morning After
The Leftover Sandwich Toaster
Smeg x Dolce&Gabbana 2-Slice Toaster $800
A Smeg x Dolce&Gabbana toaster in hand-painted Sicilian majolica, for the turkey sandwich at 11 p.m.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: It makes toast. Very, very Italian toast.
The Nap Outfit
Olivia von Halle Coco Silk-Satin Pajama Set $820
Olivia von Halle silk pajamas, for the traditional post-turkey collapse onto the sofa.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Too nice to sleep in. You will sleep in them anyway.
The Recovery
La Mer Crème de la Mer Moisturizer $3,030
The $3,030 jar of Crème de la Mer, for the face that just hosted twelve people.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Face cream priced like rent. Your face has earned it.
The Dog’s Outfit
Moncler Poldo Dog Couture Dog Sweater $390
A Moncler Poldo Dog Couture sweater, because the dog will be in every photo.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: A sweater for an animal that is already wearing a fur coat.
The Final Bill
Add it all up: twelve bottles of Krug ($42,000), the Venini vase ($9,895), the crystal grapes ($7,195), the backgammon set ($7,400), the speaker ($4,000), the face cream ($3,030), ten candles ($2,000), the decanter ($1,900), the caviar server ($1,590), the ice bucket ($1,500), two coffee table books ($2,800), pajamas ($820), a toaster ($800), a dog sweater ($390) and a saber ($199). Add four tins of Petrossian caviar ($10,880) and that comes to $96,399.
Then shave half a kilo of white truffles over the turkey (roughly €1,000 to €1,250) and you land at about $97,500. Leave a nice tip for the staff and you are at an even hundred.
The turkey was $40.
Happy Thanksgiving. We are grateful for you, and for gold-rimmed things we cannot afford.
Prices as listed by retailers and the sources linked, and subject to change. Truffle prices are shown in euros as reported; dollar conversions are approximate. Sources: Wine Spectator · Petrossian · The Independent via inkl. The Gauche did not host this dinner. Yet.
