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Fashion has a long and proud tradition of making things look expensive. Lately, it has developed a newer, stranger tradition: making expensive things look like garbage.
Pre-ripped. Pre-scuffed. Pre-taped. Packaging sold as product. Somewhere in a design studio in Paris, someone looked at a dust bag and thought, “What if this were the bag?”
We salute them. Here are the designer items that look exactly like trash, each priced like treasure, and each rated the same: Necessity: 0%.
The List
The Bag That Is a Bag’s Packaging
Balenciaga Shopper Dust Bag Pouch $1,150
When you buy a designer bag, it comes wrapped in a soft cloth dust bag, which most people stuff in a closet. Balenciaga made the dust bag the product. This is the same house that, in 2022, sold a leather pouch shaped like an actual trash bag for $1,790.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: You are paying for the wrapping. Somewhere, a cardboard box is jealous.
The Packing Tape T-Shirt
Balenciaga Tape Type T-Shirt $975
A T-shirt with the logo printed to look like a strip of packing tape. Balenciaga also sold an actual tape bracelet for $3,000, so this is the entry-level tape.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: It looks like it was shipped. It was not cheap to ship.
The Tape, But Make It Jewelry
Givenchy, not to be outdone, made a bracelet modeled on a strip of tape in antique silver-tone metal. It is for the wrist that is barely holding it all together.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Holds nothing together. Looks great doing it.
The Sneakers That Arrive Already Ruined
Golden Goose Ball Star Sneakers $565
Golden Goose distresses its sneakers by hand in Italy before they ship. They arrive scuffed, cracked and taped, looking like you have owned them since college. Popular with women, men and every dad at pickup who is “into sneakers now.”
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: You could scuff your own sneakers for free. You just won’t.
The Jeans With Load-Bearing Holes
Maison Margiela Distressed Denim Straight Jeans $1,720
Margiela built its name on taking clothes apart and sewing them back together slightly wrong. These jeans are that idea, priced at $1,720.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Do not, under any circumstances, let your dry cleaner “fix” them.
The Skirt That Survived Something
Maison Margiela Distressed Denim Midi-Skirt $1,045
A vintage-wash denim midi skirt, deliberately frayed and faded, in the house style of looking like it made it through a war, or at least a music festival.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: It survived something. Your bank account did not.
The T-Shirt Your Husband Already Owns
Acne Studios Distressed Logo T-Shirt $420
A black tee from Stockholm’s Acne Studios with the holes already in it. Every man has a free version of this shirt from a 2009 5K. You threw it away. He noticed.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: This is the replacement. Present it as an apology. Do not mention the price.
The Pigeon
JW Anderson Pigeon Clutch $960
Not technically trash, but it does look exactly like something you would shoo away from your trash. A clutch shaped like a life-size city pigeon, carried under the arm like it just landed there.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The only pigeon welcome at a restaurant.
The Gauche on a Budget Version
The Original Ripped Jeans
Levi’s Premium 501 Jeans for Women $65
Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis patented the riveted blue jean in 1873. The 501 is the original, and this pair comes pre-worn at the knee.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Same holes as the Margiela. About $1,655 cheaper.
The Bottom Line
Every item on this list could be recreated at home with a pair of scissors, a roll of tape and a little bit of courage. But then it would just be trash. With the label, it is a statement. The statement is: “I paid for this.”
For more things that cost too much and do too little, see Face Creams More Expensive Than Your First Car, or keep it sensible with Gauche on a Budget.
Prices and availability are as reported by the linked retailers and may have changed. No actual trash was purchased in the making of this article. Probably.
