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There is a special category of luxury that we love most of all. Not the yacht. Not the jet. Not the diamond.
It is the trash can. The tissue box. The napkin ring. The everyday object that already worked perfectly well, that some design house looked at and thought: what if it were more expensive, slightly harder to use and covered in leather?
Here are the luxury items that are just regular items, but worse and more expensive. Every one of them does the same job as the version under your sink. Every one of them is rated the same: Necessity: 0%.
The List
The Ice Bucket
Brunello Cucinelli Silver-Plated and Leather Ice Bucket $1,500
The regular version: a bowl. Maybe the salad bowl, rinsed.
The luxury version: silver-plated steel wrapped in leather, from Brunello Cucinelli, the Italian designer who restored an entire medieval village, Solomeo, and runs his company from it. The ice, for the record, has no idea.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: $1,500 to hold frozen water. It will hold it beautifully.
The Trash Can
Ralph Lauren Hilding Waste Bin $995
The regular version: a plastic bin from the hardware store.
The luxury version: a Ralph Lauren Home wastebasket for the study where he keeps the leather chair, the decanter and absolutely no paperwork. It is too beautiful to put anything in, so it will mostly hold air.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Nearly $1,000 for a place to put trash. The trash has never been happier.
The Toaster
Smeg x Dolce&Gabbana 2-Slice Toaster $800
The regular version: any toaster. It makes toast.
The luxury version: a two-slice Smeg toaster wrapped in Dolce&Gabbana’s Sicilian majolica print. Still two slices. Still toast.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Very, very Italian toast.
The Kettle
Smeg x Dolce&Gabbana Electric Kettle $800
The regular version: a kettle. Or a pot. Or the microwave, if you’re a monster.
The luxury version: the matching kettle, because a toaster should never be alone. Water still boils at 212°F, which, we checked, is the same temperature as in a regular kettle.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: The tea will not taste Sicilian. You will feel Sicilian.
The Deck of Cards
Prada Playing Cards with Leather Case $750
The regular version: the deck in the junk drawer, missing the four of clubs.
The luxury version: Prada playing cards in a leather case, for a poker night that is really about the case.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: You will still lose at Go Fish to a six-year-old.
The Wallpaper
Gucci Heron Print Wallpaper $600
The regular version: paint.
The luxury version: Gucci wallpaper covered in herons. It is sold by the roll. A room has walls. Walls need rolls. We will let you do the math.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Count your walls before you count your herons.
The Tennis Ball Can
The regular version: the can the tennis balls came in. It is free. It comes with the balls.
The luxury version: a Prada leather case for tennis balls, for the woman who plays doubles and the man who mostly talks about playing doubles.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: Your backhand will not improve. Your entrance will.
The Tissue Box
Ralph Lauren Bailey Tissue Box $295
The regular version: the tissue box.
The luxury version: a rattan-woven, leather-trimmed box whose only job is to hide the tissue box. The tissues are not included. The tissues are never included.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: A box for a box. Bless you.
The Napkin Ring
Ralph Lauren Wyatt Leather Napkin Rings, Set of 4 $125
The regular version: nothing. Napkins can lie flat. They have been doing it for centuries.
The luxury version: four leather rings whose job is to hold a napkin in a circle until someone sits down.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: About $31 per napkin, before the napkin.
The Bar of Soap
Loewe Tomato Leaves Solid Soap 290g $70
The regular version: a bar of soap.
The luxury version: a bar of soap that smells like tomato leaves, from Loewe, the Spanish leather house founded in Madrid in 1846. It is very good soap. It is also soap.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: It gets smaller every time you use it, which is the saddest math in this whole article.
The Gauche on a Budget Version
The Box of Pasta
Di Martino x Dolce&Gabbana Midnight Pasta Tin $40
The most attainable item on the list is, fittingly, dinner. Real pasta from Pastificio Di Martino in Gragnano, the town outside Naples famous for making it, in a tin painted by Dolce&Gabbana. Once the pasta is gone, the tin becomes a very glamorous place to keep rubber bands.
Necessity: 0%
Verdict: It is just pasta. It is also the best-dressed thing in your pantry.
The Bottom Line
Nothing on this list works better than the regular version. Some of it works slightly worse. In a $1,500 ice bucket, the ice still melts. A $125 napkin ring still lets you spill.
But here is the thing: nobody has ever walked into a room, seen a plastic trash can and gasped. That is what you are paying for. The gasp.
For more things that cost too much and do too little, see Designer Items That Look Exactly Like Trash, or keep it sensible with Gauche on a Budget.
Prices and availability are as reported by the linked retailers and may have changed. The Gauche’s napkins lie flat, and they are fine.
